Mesozoic mayhem continues with the elevation of Bloviasaurus donaldii to the White Cave, a location now desecrated beyond the reach of modern decontamination methodologies. His random vocalizations and snarky petroglyphic pronouncements continue to confound researchers, who predicted the extinction of this Narcissosaur eons ago. Yet, he persisted… helped in part by his craven Cretaceous comrades, including…
Usurpasaurus bannoni, the de facto leader of the pack, choreographing b. donaldii’s every move. This hideous lifeform would serve little purpose in the biosphere other than providing a rich — if rank — substrate for bacteria. However, by shrewdly aligning himself with the Orange One, he too is persisting, emboldened enough to ensure a serious mis-step in the near future at which time…
Spinmastersaurus seanspiceri will be waiting in the wings. Characterized by rapid eye movements and panicked respiration, this creature has eluded the Grim Reaper thus far by capitulating to the often unreasonable demands of both b. donaldii and u. bannoni. Some had expected him to be flung into the volcano in the early weeks of this slow-rolling debacle, yet he too persists.
Whether the same can be said for Couchasaurus kellyannei remains to be seen. Despite several run-ins with the Grim Reaper, this Mesozoic minx is still on the job, for Reasons About Which One Dare Not Speculate. Her continued tenure confirms that the White Cave is clearly no meritocracy, nor is Congress, where we find…
Aynrandasaurus paulryanii, grinning like a tyrannosaurus fresh from the dental hygienist. With the protobeatification of b. donaldii, the GOPasaurs are positively giddy at the prospect of world domination, or more likely, mass extinction. Overplaying their tiny hands as usual, the Congressasaurs face only one overarching problem: the expectation of transparency, which bedevils those like…
Texasaurus louiegohmerti, who trembles in dread at the prospect of facing those who provide his livelihood. This vile invertebrate went so far as to invoke the misfortune of the venerated Gabbygiffordasaurus to excuse his shameful cowardice. Such cowardice would prove the Achilles’ heel of GOPasaurs, even…
Homophobiasaurus penceii who rose from the swamps of Indiana to take his place alongside b. donaldii despite the latter’s preference for Jerseysaurus christii. H. penceii embodies philosophies of the early Triassic, when men were men, and women were amenable but like all GOPasaurs, he survives by misrepresenting such views when queried.
Far from the White Cave, we find the unfortunate Lachrymosaurus melania, like Niobe, all tears. While being the mate of a gropasaur cannot be easy, this weepy and demanding creature has failed to evoke sympathy, because she simply does not give a coprolite.
Laughing all the way to the riverbank at these proceedings is Russasaurus vladimirii, paleo-puppeteer and newly ordained patron saint of all GOPasaurs. By acquiring valuable kompromat on b. donaldii, r, vladimirii controls the destiny of b. donaldii and his associates. The Grim Reaper, as we have seen, takes the long view, so stay tuned…